................

...so im crying right now, and writing in my blog because my camera has run out of battery and my mom won't fucking go to bed. i want to make a video. its so much easier for me to talk into my camera.

2 dudes came over about a half hour ago to check out our piano. they want to buy it. i dont really want them to. it's not that i dont think they should have it... they were this cute gay couple and they both looked like cute little teddy bears. and they actually knew alot about pianos. i'm sure they'll be wonderful parents to my piano...

but god dammit, i'm gonna miss her :(




...and that's why i'm crying. i'm sad that she's probably gonna be carted off sometime this week by the piano movers, and i'm pissed that my mom isn't even asking any money for it (just a $50 deposit which they'll get back once it's moved out)...

i mean, this is the piano i grew up with. i remember one of my clearest childhood memories of music...

i was 5 years old and i had just come home from my grandma's funeral. i had heard the song "on eagles wings" (i think that's what it's called) for the first time at the service and i fell in love with it.

i hummed it in the car the whole way home, and once i got home i hopped up to the piano and just started playing. my mom just sat there, dumbfounded at the fact that i was actually playing a song that i had just heard, only once, it actually somewhat resembled it...

and then i turned around and looked at her in the eyes with a smile and said, "listen mom, i'm playing in cursive!" ( i hadn't quite learned how to play with both hands at that point)
and not only that, but i've always just had this ability to listen to a song and play it. i hate dealing with music. i mean, it's useful, but i suck at reading it, and i think whats more important than accuracy in music is feeling the music. and intuition




maybe i'm just crying now because i'm thinking of my grandma, and how she's gone...

and maybe it doesn't seem so stupid that i'm crying over a piano anymore... but it's still inevitable... she's going...







although i may get to visit her, once they've restored/tuned/refinished her. play her one last time, hopefully do her the justice she deserves... she's served me well