am i a selfish bitch?

i realize that this sounds utterly ridiculous. really. i know.

sometimes i feel like my eating and exercising habits are just "mine", ya know?

i understand and completely support others' desires to better their lives, lose weight, and become healthy (not that what i'm doing is healthy), but when it comes to a teamwork type approach to it, it just doesn't sit well with me.

i'm all for helping others, my mom included, but i'd rather be encouraging her along than doing it alongside her for some reason. i don't mean it to seem like i think i'm better than her in any way. at all. it's just that i'd really rather do it in my own time.

maybe it's just because i don't want her seeing how unhealthy my exercising really is. how i completely over-work myself.

maybe it's because i'm afraid some of my bad habits will rub off on her.
or maybe it's because i'm afraid her bad habits will rub off on me. (the constant over-eating, always putting off going to the gym, making excuses, etc...)

i don't know.

i just kind of feel like a selfish bitch for some reason.

top 5 reasons not to like fireworks

5. they're loud. now, normally i don't mind loud things... unless they sound like BOMBS. 2 years ago i actually had a panic attack because it sounded like we were fucking under attack.

4. gunpowder and explosives. who invented fireworks anyways? wouldn't it be strangely ironic and coincidental if it were the americans? (i know it wasn't, so don't lecture me) i mean, basically fireworks are glorified bombs that shoot up in the air and are made to look pretty... i'm a pacifist. that idea just doesn't sit well with me.

3. the strobe-y looking ones. only one thing to say here---- i hope there weren't any epileptics in the audience...

2. oh wait, i have one more reason not to like the strobe-y flash thingies. they make my retinas hurt.

1. they fucking moved them! they used to shoot the fireworks off of the island, but they moved it now... before we had a perfect view from our place AND we could go out on the boat and get up really close, almost to the point where it scared us because it seemed like parts from them might fall into the boat (this actually happened once... i still have the remnants somewhere). now we have no view from the house and we're just too lazy to deal with the boat since they're shooting them off like a half mile from our place

moral of the story: i'm not a huge fan of fireworks...

lardass

i haven't gone to the gym in like 2 frickin weeks...
and i've found myself slipping away from my habit of counting calories
and i havent purged in about a week

it almost seems as if i'm starting to turn into a "normal" person...




so why do i feel like such a mess?